Happier

Sorry gang this ones kind of blah... But it's for the most part pretty real to me. Enjoy :P


I sat next to him as he talked to his "important" people. I gently took his hand in mine, smiling as he didn't instantly shoot me a glare and pull his hand back. No, this time he waited five minutes before gently removing his hand from mine and placing it back on the table. I sat there silently. Shocked that he did that, but not shocked. He does that every time.

Okay, so he's not a fan of PDA. I mean, he's in the spot light so much, who could blame him. But I am his girlfriend. Ok... I'm a girl... and I'm a friend. But we're more than that. I mean, we share things emotionally. I know everything about him. He knows everything about me. We sleep together. Just sleep. I've told him no more fuck buddies. That just hurts too much.


It's weird this limbo. This friends, but more. Dating, but less. Serious but not. No committment.


Now I'm not a jealous person, but when you add his looks, with his charisma... It's a magnet for women.


It doesn't help that all he does is talk about the women he could be with but isn't. Yah, that makes me feel beautiful.


"Hey, Alex... You okay?" He crowded his face near mine, pulling me out of my thoughts. I smiled a smile I know didn't reach my eyes and his forehead creased.


"Mmmhmm." I nodded knowing full well he didn't believe me.


"You're lying." He said nonchalantly.


"Can we discuss this at home?" I pleaded looking over at the people across the table from us.


"Sure. We can go back to my place." I sighed as he specified his house. I was there four nights out of seven. Whatever. No big deal right? "We're done here anyways."


We rose and he allowed me to walk ahead of him out of the room before over taking me with his long strides, causing me to have to almost run to keep up.


"Max, slow down!" I hissed as I practically ran out of the door. He mumbled a quick sorry before getting into his car, waiting for me to do the same. I stood there for a second, collecting my thoughts before moving to get into the car. Door locked? "Very funny, Max. Let me in." He giggled like a six year old before unlocking the door and letting me in. I did up my seat belt before staring at the roof of the car.


"God, give her grace." I heard from beside me, and I knew he was mocking me. Ass.

The ride was silent as he drove back to his condo downtown. I loved this place. We always stayed here because it was bigger than my place. Why not right? I'd rather stay in a king sized bed than try and squeeze onto a double. Especially when he hogs the blankets.


"Okay, Alex. What's the deal?" He sat at his table folding his hands infront of him.


"What are we doing, Max?"


"What do you mean?" I sighed, what did I mean? What a dangerous question.


"I mean... What are we doing? I can't keep this up, Max. I need to know what's going on. We're 25. " He sighed deeply.


"What do you want me to say, Alexandra?" I stared at him. Was he serious? What did I want him to say? How about... You're right Lex. I love you. I always have. You're the only girl I want.


"Never mind, Max. I think I need to go." I sighed, turning to leave the condo.


"Alex, come on. We're friends right?" He took a few long strides to get between me and the door.

"Yah, Max. Friends... I just need some time to get back to friends ok?" I smiled waterly, trying desperately not to cry in front of him. This was killing me. He nodded in understanding, I think. "I'll call you." I embraced him and kissed his rough cheek. "Bye, Max." I whispered into his ear before closing the door on my past.





You go on, and I'll be happier.

Crushed

She sat comfortably behind the glass, watching him powerfully glide across the ice, joking with the boys. She smiled softly, goofily, even let a giggle escape her lips as he sent Evengi tumbling head over heels at center ice. Not hard of course. She quickly covered her mouth as she heard herself.

“Wow...” Her best friend, since moving to Pittsburgh, Vero, laughed gently. “You've got it bad girl...”

“I can't have it bad, V. He's my best friend.... He's my Jordan. My Jay... My...” She sighed sadly. “I can't love him.”

“Can't and don't are two very different things, Katie. And it's possible. You and Jordan have been together for a very long time.” Katie shot her a very dirty look and she held up her hands in defense. “Friends, you two have been together AS FRIENDS, for a very long time. It's not surprising that there would be feelings there.” Katie sighed as her friend gave her shoulder a pat, standing to head down to the locker rooms, to claim her own significant other.

Katie lifted her gaze to the ice to find her eyes locked with his crystal blues. He blushed softly, having been caught and waved shyly. She smiled softly and waved back.

“You be having fun?” Her glance was torn from Jordan's to see Evengi standing at the hallway, where they could talk without glass blocking their conversation.

“Umm.. yah, Geno, I am having fun.” She smiled, finding herself endeared to his broken accent.

“You are belonging to Staalzy?” She laughed out right at the forwardness of his question.

“No... Jordan and I are just friends....” Her gaze moved magnetically to Jordan still standing at the other end of the ice, pretending to talk to Max and Sid, but really sending daggers at Evengi as the two stood uncomfortably conversing on the stands.

“I take you for eating?” She tore her eyes away from Jordan to look into Evengi's chocolate brown eyes.

“Oh, Geno, I'm sorry... I'm not really... I uh...” She shifted her gaze uncomfortably to her red Chucks and blushed in shame as he sighed sadly.

“Is okay. I am understanding.” He smiled sadly, bravely, before turning back towards the locker rooms.

“Geno, are we still friends?” She asked timidly, looking up at him through her eyelashes. His smile turned quickly to a bright, happy one.

“Yes. Friends.” She smiled leaning over and kissing his cheek.

“Thanks, Geno. That means the world to me.” She whispered before turning and heading out the the parking lot to wait for Jordan.

From the ice Jordan watched the whole interaction and decided he really didn't like the fact that Geno was hitting on his girl. Well... Not his girl per sey... But his. His best friend. She couldn't date Geno. She just couldn't. Watching her lean in and kiss his cheek almost sent him over there in a blind fury.

“Wow... Jordy.” Max called grabbing onto his arm. “What's the matter, big guy?”

“Kate's talking to Geno.” Sid responded nonchalantly.

“Shut up, man! She shouldn't be giving him the time of day.” Jordan steamed.

“Umm... Why not? Didn't she just dump that loser she was with?” Max innocently asked. Jordan's two friends watched as his eyes slowly went from Geno to Katie, walking out, to his skates. “Holy SHIT! You love her!”

“No I don't!” He adamantly spat. “I don't want a relationship. I'm 19 and in the NHL and could have any girl in the world. And I want to play. I want to be able to go out and pick up a chick whenever I want to.”

“And you don't think she loves you back.” Sid observed causing Jordan's gaze to snap up to his, glaring his stormed off the ice to clean up before heading out to his truck.

True to her word, Katie was there, leaning against the truck, looking... Well... To Jordan, pretty damned sexy. But that was just it. They were best friends. He couldn't screw that up by dating her. Plus, as sexy as she was, he knew it could never work. They weren't good that way together.

“Hey, dude.” She grinned scuffing the asphalt with her Chuck Taylors. “Good practice?” He shrugged before unlocking the door for her.

“Wasn't bad, I guess.” He climbed in behind the wheel and started the truck up. “What did Geno want?”

“Me, I guess... Whatever, it's not going to happen anyways. I'm head over heels for this guys who's going to rip my heart out and completely break me anyways.” She smiled sadly, staring out the windshield.

“Good.” Jordan stated firmly turning his own eyes back to the road. “Kate...”

“Yah, Jay?” She perked up, turning completely towards him, hopeful.

“Uhh... I'm glad you came out today.” He turned his head slightly to send her a small smile before turning back to the road.

The rest of the trip to her apartment was deadly silent except for the radio, playing what might as well have been her song. She softly sung along with the words.

Oh No it's bad
Got me feeling so weak when you're holding my hand
You smile I die
Cause I don't wanna feel what I'm feeling inside
It's to much, it's to late
I'm so into you

I'd be crushed
If you walked away
I'd be lost
I'd be drowning in gray
I'd be wounded beyond repair
If you weren't there
I'd be crushed

I swore
I would be in control of myself
What have you done with me
Your lips (your lips)
My skin (my skin)
I don't know where you end
And where I begin
I hate you
But I love you
So don't ever leave

I'd be crushed
If you walked awayI'd be lost
I'd be drowning in gray
I'd be wounded beyond repair
If you weren't there
I'd be crushed

You got me falling
And I never wanted to feel like I do
I'm so into you

Oh No
It's bad

CRUSHED!

If you walked awayI'd be lost
I'd be drowning in gray
I'd be wounded beyond repair
If you weren't there

CRUSHED!

I'd be lost
I'd be drowning in gray
I'd be wounded beyond repair
If you weren't there!

Yeeaaahhh
I'd be crushed
Oh No Oh No
(performed by Lesley Roy)

As he pulled up in front of her building he turned slightly towards her. “Don't let that creep hurt you, Kate Kat. You deserve so much more than to be hurt again.” Katie turned to him, her eyes full of tears and a sad smile on her face.

“Sometime you can't help who you love, Jay.” She whispered before climbing out of his truck and slowly walking into her building.